


Release.

by MagicMarie



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Literature, M/M, Romance, fan fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-27
Updated: 2014-06-27
Packaged: 2018-10-12 15:27:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10493874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagicMarie/pseuds/MagicMarie
Summary: Nobody had ever been there for Murdoc Niccals... and then there was Ana.------a piece I wrote forever ago, enjoy .





	

**Author's Note:**

> Nobody had ever been there for Murdoc Niccals... and then there was Ana.  
> \------  
> a piece I wrote forever ago, enjoy .

Nobody had ever been there for Murdoc Niccals. 

His mother left when he was young, and his father was rarely there; when he was, he was FAR from supportive. Murdoc led a pretty lonely life. That is, until he met Ana.  
Oh, Ana. She was unlike anyone he had ever met before. Tall with long, blonde-white hair, lips so perfectly shaped and eyes so perfectly blue. And she was thin. Her skin was white and you could see her bones; it was as if she was made of paper. It made her look so fragile. Murdoc first noticed her in a dream; from then on, she was the only thing on his mind. 

Murdoc’s goal: do anything to please Ana. 

Ana’s goal: do anything to ruin Murdoc. 

Every time the already too lanky teenager would open the fridge or the cupboard, she’d be there, whispering sugar sweet insults into his ear.  
_"Don’t do it, mudsie, you know what that will do to you. Fat. You’ll get FAT. Then nobody will love you. I wont love you."_  
  
And the boy would set the food back in the fridge and instead drink as much water as he could to hold him over until dinner. 

He repeated this cycle for days at a time. When he did eat, her soft voice would be in his ear again. 

_"Too many calories. too much fat. What are you doing to yourself, mudsie dear, you’re getting much too big for your own good!"_  
  
The seventeen year old wasted away. But as the years went by, Ana gradually stopped coming around, and Murdoc slowly started gaining weight again. He learned bass, started smoking, and put together a band. 

Ana was gone. But now there was Stuart. 

As soon as he laid eyes on the boy, it was as if someone had lit a spark inside of him. 

Months later, Murdoc had buried these feelings deep inside himself. Just as he had with Ana. He was bitter, he hated the world. In fact, he hated everything; everything except Stu, of course, but he hid that fact as well. 

He had a very descructive way of dealing with pain; of dealing with his anger. He took it out on Stuart, which he had already dubbed 2d. He hit him, kicked him, called him horrible names. He pretended to hate him; thats all he could do. He couldnt reveal himself; not yet, at least. 

It wasnt until late one night, after too much liquor and too much fighting, that he realized what he was doing. He walked past 2d’s room, a bottle of rum in hand, and leaned against the door to see if the younger man was still upset from their previous “battle”. What he heard confused him: silence. Usually, Murdoc could at least hear Stuart fiddling around with a keyboard, snoring, anything; but now it was just silence. He nervously jiggled the doorknob; it was locked. He tried knocking, but there was no answer. A cold sweat started to cover his face, and a wave of panic hit him. He jiggled the dooknob again before frantically slamming on the door. After a few times, the door gave in and burst open. 2d was nowhere to be found. He thrust the closet door open, and sure enough, 2d was curled up in the corner, his nose and mouth bloodied and his arms and wrists bruised. Tears leaked out of his blacked over eyes, running over too-dark circles. Murdoc stood and watched for a second, in awe at what he had done, and his stomach sank. He reached for the singer, and cringed when he flinched. 

"Ey," he whispered, "I’m sorry… I didnt mean to do this to you." 

He reached for the man again, but the response was the same as the first time. 

"Stuart, I ain’t gonna hurt you, I swear.. just come to me." With this, Murdoc reached down, scooping 2d up in one sweep, feeling waves of sobs wrack through his body. The first thing he noticed, however, was how light Stu was. He looked down and examined him. Something about the pianist and singer looked sickeningly familiar… Paper thin skin, stretched across overly defined bones…. Fragile looking, like porcelain. It was in this moment that he knew. He had found his new Ana. He looked over 2d, his face bruised and bloodied, fear apparent, sobs going through him so hard you’d think he’d break. Murdoc leaned in close to Stuart’s face, lightly pressing his lips against one of the bruises covering his cheeks. Stuart flinched, closing his eyes and bracing himself for another hit. He didnt know that what was to come would hurt murch more than anything Murdoc had ever done in a fight. 

Weeks. it took weeks of comfort to gain 2d’s trust. Weeks of soft touches, soft kisses, and soft words. Weeks of “I’m sorry”s and weeks of “forgive me”s. 

For Murdoc: Weeks of calorie counting. Weeks of purging. Weeks of starvation. He wanted to be as beautiful as Stuart Pot. He loved everything about him, and he wanted to be loved by him. 

It took a while to get things started between the two, but when things did start going, it was impossible to stop. 2d slowly recovered from the short period of abuse, physically and mentally, and stated trusting him more, and loving him more. By the end of their 5th month together, Stuart almost never left Murdoc’s side. They shared a room now, and while at first they tried to keep their relationship a secret, the other members of the band caught on pretty quick. 

2d had never been more happy in his life. He finally felt accepted and loved by the person he once idolized. He pushed the negative period of time with Murdoc out of his mind and replaced the bad memories with the new, good ones. Old memories of being kicked and spit at were replaced with gentle kisses and soft, soothing words. 

Murdoc was never truly pleasant, always having a negative outlook and a pessimistic attitude, but when he was around Stuart, everything changed. When they were apart, he could feel himself becoming short tempered and impatient with everyone. Stu was like a drug to Murdoc; if he went too long without him, there were withdrawals. 

Just as he learned with Ana, though, too much of a good thing can quickly go sour. 

One night after work, Murdoc laid down next to Stuart in their cluttered bed. After a day of working and a night of kissing, Stu was clearly exhausted. Murdoc left a trail of kisses down the younger mans neck and rested his head on his shoulder as 2d fell asleep. He watched his chest rise and fall as his breathing became shallow. He examined 2d, the moon the only source of light illuminating the room, and lightly traced his fingers over his collarbone, then down to his ribs. He counted each one, tears spilling onto his cheeks. His fingers trailed down lower, rubbing circles on each defined hip bone. The tears quickly became a stream, and Murdoc rolled out of bed, running towards the bathroom as quietly as he could. 

It was cold on the linoleum floor where he perched in front of the toilet. He shoved a long finger down his throat and quietly sobbed as what remained of his sparse dinner spilled into the bowl. He repeatedly gagged himself until nothing remained in his stomach. He wiped his mouth and tried to stand, but the combination of purging and barely eating for such a long amount of time made him weak. He fainted, hitting the hard floor with a thud. 

When he awoke, he was in Stuarts arms. Murdoc looked up at him, head still spinning, and saw the tears forming in the singers eyes. 

"Why, Muds, why’d ya have to do that to me? You had me scared to death! Are you sick? Why didn’t ya tell me, I would’ve got you some medicine or taken ya to the doctor or somethin’…" The mans voice trailed off as the sick realization of the situation started to come together in his mind. 

"You didn't do this on purpose, did you?" he whispered, his voice on edge. Murdoc slowly nodded, and the pieces began to connect in Stu's mind. "You’ve been doing this to, to hurt yourself or somethin' like that, haven't you?" 

Murdoc felt panic rush through him. It never occurred to him what he’d do if 2d did somehow figure- out what was going on, and he hadn’t thought of how much it would affect him. He looked up at his partner. He didnt know what to say. 

"I-… Stu, you know I’d never try and hurt you.. I just…. Can we just pretend this never happened?" Murdoc managed, his throat sore from his previous episode. Stuart, completely shocked by his newfound revelation, shook his head frantically. 

"No, no no, no, Murdoc… no…." he choked out, voice cracking several times, "Murdoc! You cant do this to me, no!" He spit his words out as if there wasnt enough time for him to say everything he wanted. Tears spilled out of his eyes and over his cheeks, and he clutched Murdoc close to him. "You know I’ve heard about this stuff before about, about people with these, these eating things, and it kills them! It kills them, Murdoc…." his voice trailed off as the tears came down harder. Murdoc raised a shaky hand and brushed the hair away from 2d’s face. He opened his mouth to try and comfort him, but no words came out. Stuart looked down at Murdoc, not knowing what to do. 

"Just… stop, please, stop doing whatever it is that you’re doing. I dont understand whats going on.. All I know is that it ain’t right. It isn’t healthy. Please, for me, try and get better. I love you, Murdoc, and I dont know what I’d do without you…. Let’s just go to bed right now, alright?" 

Murdoc nodded in response. 2d stood, pulling Murdoc to his feet and supporting him as he brushed his teeth. He lifted up the older man and carried him to bed, where he gently placed him, climbing into bed. He crawled up close, wrapping his long arms around the older man. 

"Why?" he whispered, his breath hot on Murdoc’s chest, "Why did you do it? and.. and how long’s this been going on?" 

Murdoc closed his eyes, hiding his face in 2d’s soft blue hair, breathing in the soft scent of his favorite lavender shampoo. He sighed softly before slowly explaining himself. 

"I.. I started starving myself when I was 14, and then… It went from there… I guess. I just remember being told that I wasnt good enough all my life, and the only way I could get better was by being thing. If you’re thin, youre loved. I stopped when I was 18. I got better." Murdoc absentmindedly started playing with 2d’s hair, twisting soft locks around his finger, and sighed again. "I guess.. I guess when I saw how.. how horribly I treated you… I needed to punish myself. I needed to… to hurt. Then I saw… I saw how beautiful you were. And I thought to myself, ‘I want to be as beautiful as him. I want to be as _thin_ as him.’ And so I punished myself for not being perfect, too. I started… I started starving again… but it wasnt enough. It was never enough-" his words were interrupted by 2d’s lips pressing against his own. 2d pulled Murdoc closer, kissing him again and again on the lips, and then on his tear stained cheeks. From there, he kissed down to his jawline, then to his neck, where he planted gentle, sloppy kisses all over. Down his neck, onto his shoulder, to his collarbone, he covered Murdoc in kisses, pausing only to try and pull the man’s shirt off. As soon as he pulled the fabric up from his torso, Murdoc shoved it back down with a small cry, obviously not wanting to reveal his body to 2d yet. 2d crawled up to Murdoc’s lips, giving him a few warm, reassuring kisses on the lips before tugging the shirt over his head. Murdoc shivered, cool air hitting his abdomen, and 2d examined the man, running his hands over bones that shouldnt be showing, rubbing scars gently, and softly humming. Murdoc’s eyes were glazed over with tears, and he was shaking a little by the time 2d had finally stopped. He looked up at Stuart, tears streaming down his face. 

"You’re leaving me now, aren’t you?" he whispered, the fear apparent in his voice. 2d’s eyes widened, and he answered by pressing his own hot lips against Murdoc’s, lingering for a moment before kissing the corner of his mouth. 

"Never. I’d never leave you." he sighed, kissing him again on the neck, this time a little harder than before. Murdoc shuddered at the feeling of 2d’s lips on his chest, then on his stomach, then down a bit lower where the boy kissed each hip bone. He wriggled, each kiss sending jolts through his body. 2d smiled against Murdoc’s stomach, where he kissed circles around his belly button. Murdoc squirmed, letting out a soft chuckle. 2d giggled, blowing raspberries on Murdoc’s stomach. Murdoc’s chuckles turned into laughter as 2d softly tickled his sides, giggling the whole time. They spent hours rolling in the bed, tickling and kissing each other, laughing their way through the night and into the morning.  Finally, they laid together with their bodies close, and 2d fell asleep to the soft sound of Murdoc's shallow breathing. 

The next morning, Murdoc awoke alone in his bed. He rolled over, looking for 2d, but he was nowhere to be found. Panic rose in his chest as he frantically rolled out of bed, running down the stairs. The adrenaline and rush of the situation made him dizzy, and the room spun as he rushed around, checking every room for his boyfriend. 

"STU!? STUAART!!" he shouted, his vision blurred both by tears and because of his dizziness. "No, no no! This CANT be happening!! D?? PLEASE! Please! Please...." His words got softer as he collapsed to the floor, sobbing. He knew he wasn’t good enough. He knew that 2d would never be able to stay with him. But after last night, he had no clue it'd be over that fast. He just wanted to know why.  

_"FAT. You'll get FAT. And then nobody will love you."_

Her voice pierced through him, and he cried out loud at the realization. Back to the bathroom he ran, shoving his fingers forcefully down his throat, puking over the toilet, but it wasn’t enough. He slammed open the medicine cabinet, unhinging the door, grabbing a bottle of weight loss pills he'd bought years earlier. He poured them into his shaking hand until they were spilling everywhere, and forced them all into his mouth, nearly choking and he swallowed down handful after handful until the bottle was empty, moving on to the other bottles, filling himself with prescription bottles and OTC drugs. He stumbled down the stairs again, into the kitchen, and washed it all down with a bottle of gin. The last thing he saw was Ana, standing at his feet, nodding her approval. 

2d stood at the door, fiddling with the keys to his and Murdoc's apartment, struggling to open the door. When it finally gave in, he smiled to himself, excited for the night to come. 

"Murdoc! I'm home!!" he yelled, setting bags of groceries down on the table. "Muds?" He looked around for him, but Murdoc was nowhere to be found. He made his way to the kitchen, now noticing the chilling silence of the house. He knew that something must be wrong, and his suspicions were confirmed when he saw Murdoc's pale body slouched over on the linoleum floor. He rushed over, immediately checking for a pulse. His pulse was slow and unsteady, and 2d had no idea what to do.  "Murdoc, Murdoc wake up, please, please wake up.." he pleaded, lifting him into his arms and carrying him as he reached for the phone. 

"Mum, Mum it's me Stuart, I need help," 2d whispered frantically into his phone. 

"What? Stu, it's been so long, how are you, de- What do you need, love, whats wrong?" 

"It- It's Murdoc, mum, he took too many pills, and, and he drank a bunch of alcohol, and, and, and, theres glass everywhere, he- he's not breathing right!!" 

"Sweetheart, calm down, okay? Calm down, baby, Mummy's right here. Calm down and explain to me-" 

"He- He's going to die, please help, please.." 

"Okay, look, first I need you to calm down. Now make sure he's breathing. If he's not, give him CPR, okay?" 

"He- He's breathing, I think..." 

"Hold on then. I'll call an ambulance for you, okay? Keep calm,  and don't panic, it's going to be okay." She hung up the phone. 

2d held Murdoc in his arms, rocking him, and whispering things over and over. 

"Its going to be okay, muds, it will, I promise, they'll fix you up... hang in there for me, Murdoc, okay? I love you, its going to be all right, I love you..." 

The hour and fifteen minutes of waiting in the waiting room was almost enough to drive 2d to insanity.  As if the stressful ambulance ride hadn't been enough, upon arrival he was told that he wasn’t allowed in the room until he was in a stable condition; only immediate members of family were allowed in the room. Stuart had tried to tell them that he was the closest this Murdoc had to family, but they refused to listen.  He was forced to wait outside with his mother, who showed up about 30 minutes into the whole situation. As soon as she arrived, she ran over to comfort him, hugging him and letting him cry into her shirt, petting his hair and shooting glares at the nurses guarding the door.  

"It's going to be okay, baby, they'll help him, don’t worry, he'll be better in no time," She said in her most comforting voice. "Why don’t you tell me a little more about your friend, sweetheart, to pass the time?" She asked, still not even sure who Murdoc was, or how her son knew him. 

2d let out a tiny sob. "He- he's my bassist, he... he's my boyfriend.." he whispered, feeling stupid for being nervous about telling his mother about Murdoc in such an intense situation. His mothers eyes widened for a second, but she decided to not make a big deal out of it. "I- I love him, mummy, I cant believe I left him alone like that... especially after he told me about everything like that... I should've stayed with him, this is my fault...." 

"No, baby, hey, listen... You love him, right?" 2d nodded gently. "And you'd do anything for him, right? You'll stay with him no matter what, okay?" 2d nodded again in agreement. "Then there's nothing to be worried about. He'll understand, and he's going to be okay." 

2d looked up at his mom, tears in his eyes.  "But- what if he doesn't make it, mum? He'll- He'll die thinking that I left him..."  

"He'll know, baby, he'll know that you love him... He knows." 

An hour and fifteen minutes of torture.  

After what seemed an eternity, a tall nurse stepped out of Murdoc's room.    
"You can come in." 

2d practically ran into his room, and stood in shock at what he saw. The great Murdoc Niccals, leader of Gorillaz, love of his life, hooked up to too many machines to count, oxygen and pain medication being pumped to him through tubes, a blank look on his face. 2d timidly approached him, touching his hand, causing Murdoc to jump a bit. As soon as he saw 2d, his face contorted and he started crying. 2d sat down gingerly on the edge of the bed, making sure not to mess up the IV tubes strewn about, and leaned in to carefully kiss Murdoc on the mouth. He could feel him whimper against his lips, and he whispered loving things to his boyfriend, being sure to not let go of his shaking hand. 

"D, I thought- I thought you left, I- I'm sorry, Stu, I'm sorry... I- I'll get better, I promise, just please, give me another chance...." 

2d kissed him again, petting his hair gingerly. As he did, a few clumps fell, and he knew that it would take much effort to nurse Murdoc back to health.    
"I ain't leaving you, Muds, I never was... I didn't mean to scare you like that, you know, I just ran out for an hour or so, I should've told you..... I told you I'd never leave you, and I don’t intend to, ever..." 

Murdoc raised a shaky hand and pushed the hair out of 2d's eyes. "I love you, Stuart... I promise I'll get better..... I promise...." 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

That morning, Stuart woke up with a smile. He sat up, yawning, and quietly slipped out of bed. He got ready in mere minutes; he had someone to go visit today. He swallowed down a couple of pills with his tea and was out the door not long after. He walked down the street, stopping by a flower stand and picking up a bouquet of white roses. A 15 minute train ride, and he was there. He sat down across from the headstone, placing the flowers carefully on the grave. 

"G'Morning, mudsie."  


**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any typos!!! This was one of my first pieces i had ever written so its probably shitty idk!!


End file.
